Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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