I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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