Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize