guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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