WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
