you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I believe in your delicious
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
