I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
