Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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