the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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