genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
