Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
