I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
