Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
