Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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