youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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