Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
