I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
