i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
