it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She bit a glass in half.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
