fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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