I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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