i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
