Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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