So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
