textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Come share oat with me in your robe
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
