hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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