but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
