who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
