Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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