grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
