OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
