Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
