Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
