what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You are a genius and a whore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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