yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
