bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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