woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
