Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
