Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
