On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
