She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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