i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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