She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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