I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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