Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
