During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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