Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just googled if crying burns calories
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
