Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
