the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
