Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
