im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
