Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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