She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
