I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
