She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
