She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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