I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
