sarcasm needs its own font
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
