i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
