Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
