my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
