Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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