whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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