Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
