yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
