Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
